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Wrapping up 2025!
posted : Wednesday, December 31, 2025
Another year gone!
I looked back at the last paragraph from last year’s post and there I was having some reservations about this year, and boy did it turn out right. Maybe I went in without the right vibes and so things naturally didn’t fall in place, but still that was a bit of an extreme punishment zzz. That said, other than the health section that took a hit everything else wasn’t too bad, if I were to be honest so here it goes. *********** Let’s just start with that section then since it was the one that made or in this year’s case, broke the year. Otherwise I’d still rank this as a solid year overall. Couple of minor ailments over the course of the year, which is rather typical unless we count that week-long diarrhea I had after coming back from an impromptu trip home, presumably food poisoning from Pasar Gadong food (the other candidate was RB in flight meal but I’m more inclined to believe it’s the former) which lowered my immunity such that I fell sick for another week right after. Then of course there’s the big one that I’ve written a long post about. Well the good news is that the ordeal is over, or at least I think/felt it is. I left the last post in a state where my liver panel readings are still well above range and there’s a whole series of side ailments arising from my liver’s inability to function properly. Jaundice is okay because that’s just aesthetics (my eyeballs and my entire outlook just appear yellowish). The disturbing one was the persistent itchiness because my body is full of toxins that the liver can’t filter. There’s a good month that I can’t sleep well because like a clockwork I would wake up at around 1-2am every night scratching everywhere and nothing seems to work - soothing lotions and all. And with psoriasis this was a dangerous combo and all that scratching left plenty of new scars which took a while to heal and left behind the new patches of discolorations sigh. The other issue was with bloating restricting food intake - I would discover that dairy products tend to worsen the issue - and the bloating effect usually isn’t instantaneous, for instance I’ll start feeling bloated late afternoon despite not eating anything after a regular lunch. It was just uncomfortable in the end. The itching finally went away on the second week of November when I recorded a first night when I slept through the night, and when that happened for a couple more nights consecutively you can imagine my relief. The bloating took another couple of weeks to go away - I touched down in KL for a planned trip and magically I could eat everything on that trip despite overeating a bit (hotel breakfast for instance) and that’s when I felt I’m out of the woods. The numbers did indicate otherwise - the doctor, presumably upon returning from leave, had the nurse call me up for an unscheduled blood test just as the itchiness was fading away and it showed that some of the figures even rebounded a bit, sparking a bit of alarm in me. Because there’s no consultation again (and the doctor also didn’t react) I took matters to my own hand, analyzed my habits and decided to stop the more strenuous activities I.e. running - which I had resumed albeit with lower frequency and intensity - and two weeks later the numbers (taken right after the KL trip) dropped close to borderline normalcy. In my final consultation with doctor the week later he was also cautiously optimistic that I’m out of the woods, except that he asked me to come back one more time after CNY. The whole episode put me to a test, I kid you not. In many aspects - be it my knowledge of insurance coverage (which is admittedly not high, I am referring to the knowledge not coverage), crisis management, and emotionally too because for an entire month and half I was in this state of despair and self pity. Take it as a test run in case I run into similar scenarios in future, touchwood.
Other than that skin issues is just a regular presence not worth mentioning. Physical fitness was going well as in there’s structure to it - I went through a horrible cutting phase, a gleeful bulking phase and just as I was going to start cutting again (which the muscles are supposed to show up nicely after) disaster struck, I lost plenty of weight unwillingly and along with it muscles, and then I gain back the unhealthy way because I was in sort of a revenge eating mode after regaining that capacity. So progress reseted oh well, but I will make up for lost time I guess. So may I be blessed with health next year! I’ve suffered enough. *********** Work!
Got shouldered with more responsibility in the shape of another team added to my care, doing more months of free labor ahead of the long awaited official promotion, navigating through a series of HR challenges including internal transfers, poaching, fraud claims, toxic staff, facing tearful appraisal talks and so on. And I feel that next year it’s just more of these. The biggest challenge may have been the work itself though, to work under parachutes who has zero respect for the craft nor bothered understanding but insist on forcing a transformation. I get the need to transform and the power of the new data sources but the motivation for transformation didn’t seem right (I am helping you guys make things easier for yourself but did you even try to understand what kind of help we need? Because we seem like some sort of joke to you). My only willpower now was to outlast because history tells us parachutes tend to take off again after a short stay but apparently said parachute has asked for an extended stay…probably because she really thinks we needed to be whip into shape sigh. Oh well let’s see what happens next year. Gotta stay tough because if the top crumbles…those below will too. ************ I actually didn’t see this coming but this year felt like my most traveled year. Started the year right and planned ones, impromptu ones, short ones etc all came along. I felt that the Korea trip may have been the standout one because…well it’s solo? And I think I was in my best shape of the year back then. Shanghai was a watershed moment too which led to my acceptance of China as a place that I can return to. KL trips were memorable for the chillax pace and food. GZ was a major relief after a funk during which I couldn’t even bring myself to plan for trips next year and that was a thoroughly depressing thought. HK will always be a firm favorite. Next year - had one redemption trip confirmed, another (long) one that I am still desperately trying to make work. KL is still there. The two trips home I already booked. One more group trip in the initial stages of discussion. Maybe a couple of solo trips nearby to leverage long weekends. Maybe work trips? Narrowly escaped one because of a date change which causes it to clash with the Nov KL trip. “Escaped” because of the supposedly time consuming follow ups upon return which I am still a bit on the fence about. Penciled in for one potentially in Jan but if they decide on Feb instead I’m out again. But it’ll be another eventful year I hope. ************ No progress section next. Enough said. Hahah. I mean I tried, but let’s just say…lukewarm response isn’t helping. Then I got bogged down by HepA. Let’s see again next year shall we? *************** Hitting the five year mark at my place next year and mayyyybe I should be on the move again. Kidding….I’ll start with fixing my toilet first and other minor works, perhaps the very ignored balcony? Car is out of the picture too - came to my senses and understood that it’s really a want instead of a need. That money can be better spent elsewhere (like fitness and travels) until I really develop a need for it. **************** Can’t wait to get back on track next year. Bring on 2026 already! Labels: milestones, thoughts, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2024!
posted : Tuesday, December 31, 2024
The yearly recap! And whee left it late, with just about 7 hours to go.
Cliche but yes the year zoomed past, once again. Overall there wasn’t really any life milestones other than the fact that I am now halfway through my 30s, which in itself was a minor jolt to me - it always feels like we lost three years to Covid. I wasn’t as sentimental this time round, maybe a bit resigned, but I like to think that I am mostly living in the moment and not thinking much about what’s to come. Which may not necessarily be a bad thing I guess. So what else happened? ************ Work, well. March came and I was sorely disappointed. Angry, even. For about a month and maybe a bit more I had trouble concealing this (which probably wasn’t wise), and I did seriously consider just leaving it all behind. But as always with time the feelings dissipated, I got busy and before I know it I was slaving away again doing free labor. The damage was done though, and motivation wasn’t great for the rest of the year - I am definitely not proud of the effort I put into a couple of projects that I was tasked with. I was promised greater things next year but I have been restraining myself from even holding out hope - perhaps wary that my performance this year was not deserving of it. Here’s hoping that I can magically turn things around in the new year and restore that motivation, because as it stands, there are even more people looking up to me now and I always believe in setting an example. ************ This is one of my favorite sections to write and especially this year because very early on, I had the entire year all planned out and even with that, I managed to add in a couple of impromptu ones, including one that I hope I never ever had to repeat. Leading the highlights was the finally revived Switzerland trip, along with the Suites flight. Miles game bearing its first significant fruit (I only claimed one Business flight last year to burn expiring miles, and boy what a good starter it was). And minimal regrets aside, it was hell of a good trip and I’d do it all over again. And frankly which trip wasn’t good? In other news, made 4 trips to KL in total this year, reinforcing the idea that it was a great location for an affordable weekend getaway. Hong Kong I planned last year too and I had a good time pigging out there (and will do it again tomorrow lol). Bali with the BFFs is a rare one that made it out of a group chat and any time spent with these 4 is always something I cherish a lot. And of course the two standard trips back home. Had more redemptions secured for next year and even after I redeemed them…miles balance is still pretty healthy so expect more to come hehehe. Only limit is leave days I guess, and I would want to start expanding my horizon to other frequent flyer programs too. ********** The wellness section, well there is sort of an update in that I have engaged a PT and is actively going for regular sessions. I suppose there’s progress in that I can lift a lot more than what I was able to at the beginning, although I don’t feel that it is showing much yet. Maybe that’s just because I don’t take pics and compare often, but I do have plans to get started on a strict diet regime to force those muscles to show lol. Had a small taste of this throughout the year trying to figure out what works best - tried nutrition plans which are costly and while enjoyable at first, I got bored of it and would probably not go back to it. Self prepared meals seemed to be the way to go and the goal is to get in decent shape before my next (bigger) trip messes things up - so I have sort of a 2 month window to try to get into a consistent habit. Skin wise, nothing to update but at my last visit doctor asked me if I want to consider biologics which…I think I will think about it. And the other health episode I had which was the colonoscopy to verify that everything is indeed okay, but that had me slightly worried for a while. Though I did fall sick a few times in the second half of the year which was kind of out of the norm, and I wondered for a while what contributed to it. I don’t know of course, but hopefully body stays strong. ************ What I was a bit conscious of though, is the fact that I have been spending more than usual this year - multiple concerts, multiple impromptu trips, and the PT sessions actually do cost quite a bit. Throughout the year I was occasionally fighting off temptations to buy a car but logic (and wallet) took over and I reasoned that it really wasn’t a need. What I do want to do next year though, is to finally go through the master bedroom toilet makeover which was overdue, and the water logging issues underneath the tiles are getting worse so I think that’s forcing my hand. ******* Social life. What social life? Hahahah. Section that I always say maybe next year is the year but it never happens. Had a couple of friends who are trying to pull strings but let’s just say…I don’t really know how to do this. So just let nature (and fate) take its course, I guess. ********* Ok so that’s about it for 2024! Frankly I have some reservations about next year because of the whole 本命年 thing but, come what may. Things will work out. Labels: milestones, thoughts, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2023!
posted : Sunday, December 31, 2023
A yearly staple!
Did a check and wow I have been writing this since 2012, which was the year I started working. Didn’t feel like it has been that long tbh. Brb imma add a tag to all of these posts coz they are growing in numbers. Honestly this year passed by in a flash. Partly because work has been busy, also partly that I have things to look forward to and countdown quite regularly. For instance I would be like “oh, 50 days left to my next holiday” and after I come back from said holiday, I would be like “oh, 50 days left to my NEXT break” which certainly kept me sane. And I am so grateful for that. ****************** Starting with work as usual. And oh how fast the year passed by. I remember counting down every month during my two year stint in Planning and in stark contrast, one and half year back here passed by effortlessly (the time passing, not the work which was the opposite of effortless). Right off the bat I had fires to fight this year, and said fire lasted for about an entire quarter, then another one started just as the first one faded away. It all turned out well in the end, but the process was certainly energy sapping like never before. Then there were also these couple of times when I was part of the receiving end of unpleasant dressdowns from two different bosses, which was certainly new to me and was downright demoralizing. I certainly felt like I am missing a step or two sometimes. I felt like I have maintained my usual standards of guiding, advising, coaching, decision making, even with a bigger team(s) now as compared to the past and I think I have earned their respect. I thought I have settled down well. But could I have been more watchful, focus on more correct things? I looked back at the couple of episodes that blew up (and a few others that could have blown up) and I did think that I could have done more. Last year I thought that this redesignation was long overdue and I was more than ready to step into this role. At multiple occasions this year I think I was ready to step up again because I was comparing to my peers, and those who have overtaken me. Are these missteps then an indication that I am not ready for bigger things? But it’s not my fault that goal posts got shifted and I am wary that I may be stuck again as a result, which was not pleasant. I did deliver an important project this year so I hope that counts for something (even if it doesn’t seem like I am being blamed for the delay…yet). If nothing happens next year…well, I think I need to remember my 初衷 though it’s getting harder and harder with each passing year. Fingers crossed for a better year! ****************** We have officially stepped into post-COVID era, or rather an era where COVID has been normalized because it is still very well and alive (by the way, I maintain the belief that the initial lockdowns were not an overreaction, though the pace at which the Asian world normalises is). Which meant travels resumed in full force and I, for one, couldn’t be more glad. I haven’t revived my ill-fated Switzerland trip from 2020, but I opted for multiple short(er) trips this year, and somehow they are all clustered around Eastern Asia - Japan, Seoul and Taipei. And there’s the usual Bangkok and home of course. I thoroughly enjoyed all of them. Like I said in the earlier part of the posts they were so important in playing a role to keep me sane. I remembered my boss randomly checking in on my mental health (it was really random because it was as if he was trying to find a topic which was sort of not about work to talk about during a long cab ride to a meeting with SA) and I told him I am doing ok, just need regular breaks. Japan and Seoul were solo trips, Taipei was a mixture of both family and solo trip. In particular Japan was my first solo trip since what, 2019 Melbourne? And it reminded me so much about why I missed such trips. Strictly speaking all of these three cities I have visited before and some of the spots I revisited this time round too, but still managed to find new experiences. Bangkok and home trips were a much welcomed resumption of our familial traditions. Though I don’t get to spend as much time at home this year as compared to the last two COVID years which was such an irony, but parents and sister do get to visit me now so I guess that cancels it out. And for the first time I had lined up and booked my tickets for all my trips next year even before this year ended, even the trips back home, and I can’t wait for them - especially the epic October/November one. All the miles collection finally being put into (very) good use. **************** Work stress (what an excuse) meant that I put back a fair bit of weight though I think (or hoped) that a fair bit of it is muscle weight because I think visually I can see some difference, though at the rate I was eating (and binge eating sometimes) mean that it wasn’t obvious at all. I do feel like I want to get some help and I feel motivated to though procrastination is still winning over for now. But I am hitting the next milestone next year - 35 - so that sounded like another good time to start something different, similar to how I started my exercise regime when I hit 30. Let’s do this. Skin issues are still there, still under control although I find myself needing my oral meds at the beginning of the year to bring it down. Still trying to get rid of the discoloration which wasn’t working well so might just ask my doc in my upcoming appointment - I had initially convinced him that I only need to see him once a year but I chickened out in the end coz I spotted these couple of patches appearing - not like my usual psoriasis patches but these are just rashes that appear whenever my body heats up after exercising, and fade off once I cooled down so I wanted to know what exactly are those or would they mutate into something more sinister. So fingers crossed too. COVID found its way to me for a second time too (and perhaps a third time, even though I didn’t test that time but it felt suspiciously like it) and it was so mild that I was really surprised when the second line appeared, but it came at an inconvenient time (or not) that I had to bail out of a presentation. But I had a few episodes of minor ailments throughout the year which usually don’t get too serious but took a while to recover fully from, and that was certainly out of the norm for me. Wonder why. But like I said, body isn’t getting younger so really needed to take good care of it. ***************** The last section of this review is always the one that sees no progress. Unfortunately that remained the case this year, even if I started the year feeling, dare I say, somewhat hopeful of a change this year. But lack of action on my part meant that you are now reading a very boring paragraph bye. Yeah. We’ll see. ****************** There are some goals next year, work wise and others. We’ll see if they materialize. To a better 2024!
Labels: milestones, thoughts, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2022
posted : Saturday, December 31, 2022
Time for annual post!
Felt like this year similarly flew by. Suddenly we are into our third year of living with COVID, and thank goodness many aspects of life have finally returned to somewhat pre-COVID normal. There was some sort of warning that this entire thing will last 3 years and at that time I sort of laughed it off but look where we are now. So this year is all about adapting again. Be it adapting to something of a mixture between old and new normal, and also adapting to changes to work again. ******* Why, I shall start with work again. Because realistically this has been a year of two halves. The first half of the year I was basically counting down to end of June. No heart to stay on at all. It really wasn’t a bad job scope or role, but familiarity won over and I really just thought I didn’t want to spend another 5-10 years building up that sense from scratch, at least not at this age. There is also this sense of being an outsider all this time, not being appreciated, so I made up my mind pretty early on. There is a tinge of regret for not making full use of the stint, not forging closer relationships, but it is what it is. That said, there was still plenty to do in the first half of the year - secretariat role, TMP in end April and after that was basically tying up loose ends, and went off to my long break. Coming back to TSDD, I definitely felt that I settled down way faster than I think I would. Sometimes it almost felt like I never left because everything felt familiar. Found my groove pretty quickly. But these are the technical aspects of the work - the people management part of it posed brand new challenges. Unfamiliar faces in the team - this is basically a team hastily put together in response to the spree of resignations throughout the past couple of years and I think I am still working out things, enduring a couple of drama episodes along the way which I never had to deal with in the past. I suppose I am as unfamiliar to them as they are to me, so it’s probably gonna take a while to gel. Oh well. Part of the game. Then there was the redesignation which could have happened rightaway, but I guess I’m not complaining. I do feel like it’s where I belong though, which was a confidence that I didn’t have two years ago. The role definitely meant more responsibilities, I don’t know if it meant higher expectations but as usual I am just gonna do my thing and if I turns out well, good for me. The important thing is just to never lose sight of your purpose, and to do the right thing, and that shall continue to be the mantra going forward. ****** Traveling has resumed! Many steps along the way starting from VTL, then the multiple testings, but eventually everything got scrapped. By the time July came around I was able to go for my month long break without needing to worry too much about restrictions, though there remain the odd ones like insurance and declarations, which got done away eventually too. But the break. I must dedicate one section to this alone because it was such an important one. It was the longest I have ever been away from home (1.5 years), because I decided to skip CNY this year owing to work commitments and travel restrictions, so I was really looking forward to it. It was also my longest break ever, and it allowed me to reset, it definitely helped me when I got back to work a month later because I went in with a refreshed mind, and it literally is a once in a lifetime thing unless I switch jobs. But I had a blast at home, snucked in a trip within trip to KK with the homies, without having to worry about work at all. At this rate I am going to have high expectations of my future holidays hahah. Though that also meant I couldn’t take long travel trips for the rest of the year because I burnt all my leave for this break (well I could, but I prefer to save those for next year) and watched everybody else travel as the world opens up. Did manage a short Phuket trip with the Brunei duo which was as relaxing as it can get, though it came with its own set of drama no thanks to an untimely COVID infection. Next year! Barring any resurfacing of restrictions (touchwood), I already have a few plans up my sleeves, and hoping to execute them. ******** Fitness, I think I made some inroads? Gym at my new place is better equipped than the previous one so that meant more effective workouts. Weight wise I have gained back a bit, though I hoped it’s mostly muscle weight coz I still can fit into my size S shirts (though not as comfy). I guess my biggest achievement is being able to do a pull up, finally. I focused on doing all the groundwork beforehand and when I finally attempted and executed one, I was a bit stunned that it happened and wasn’t sure if it counted haha. But confirmed it soon enough and I have since progressed to 4-5 pull ups hahaha. I do think the entire year’s worth of work has some results, in a sense that I am now stronger, but body shape isn’t really what I hoped it would be by the end of the year. PT next year? Hahaha. Gotta think through if this is really what I need. Skin wise I think it worsened a bit, with some new patches though if I were to be honest, I wasn’t super religious about my cream regiment. Stopped oral meds some time last year to go for vaccination and never resumed it, so it may have played the role a bit. Spoke to doc a couple of days ago and I’d probably resume it to help control a bit, but otherwise, not a major concern. And COVID. Finally caught it, and it wasn’t fun for a couple of days, but pulled through. ********* Settled down in my new place for a year now. Still pretty happy with how it turned out, though there are some things I have procrastinated for a while which I would probably need to work on now - like revamping my master toilet which is showing signs of needing repairs - the tiles looked like they are about to crack, suspect that it wasn’t tiled properly and water seeped in somewhere and accumulated, expanded etc. And I never got around to doing up my balcony properly. Always thought it’s an element that I can maybe work on later, maybe with someone else hahahah but oh well. Definitely not getting any younger. I remember the time when I was all anxious about turning 30 but I am now approaching 35 even and….ha ha. I mean I have no doubts that I can survive on my own, I do enjoy the freedom of it all and I am independent that way, so it’s never something that I want to force to happen. But it still doesn’t hurt to have someone to share it all with you I guess, especially when you are down with COVID lol. Which was something that didn’t occur to me often because in the first place I was generally blessed with good health and don’t fall sick often to have these thoughts surfacing. 随缘. ******** All in all, not a bad year again. But always room for improvement. To a better 2023! Labels: milestones, thoughts, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2021
posted : Friday, December 31, 2021
To be honest, amidst the flurry of activities (or maybe just that one major event) happening in November and December…I only remembered that I am supposed to write this post at about 4.30pm, as I was trying to recall what happened on NYE last year.
So 2021! It’s disappointing that the world hasn’t quite returned to normal, and living with the new normal isn’t going as planned either. Disappointing because at this point last year our cases were under control and there’s so much hope with first shipments of vaccines arriving. One year on and two highly transmissible variants later, we have taken one step back even in terms of things like socializing. So lesson learnt, not gonna have high hopes for 2022. But otherwise - what else happened in 2021? ************ That big event I mentioned above - taking the plunge and buying my first home. It was something that has been on my radar for a while, and ever since I got citizenship last year I have started looking, with the intention of shifting in by the time my ongoing rental lease ends. It didn’t happen because I procrastinated a bit (and my heart was in Brunei since Aug last year) so timeline would have been a bit tight. So negotiated a new short term lease (came with increased rent oh well) and effective set myself a deadline of 31 Dec. This gave the whole project a bit of urgency and thus I function a bit better. Long story short (because the long story is in other posts), place found, sort of got pushed into it but I think largely no regrets. Renovation or rather sprucing up the place was unexpectedly draining, but I think I’m rather pleased with the results so I think that’s worth it, though I still wouldn’t want to go through that anytime soon. Still very thankful that this happened while WFH which made a lot of things easier to coordinate. The house is now a home! There’s this niggling feeling about being in debt from now on, but managed to convince myself that this is not too different from paying rental, at least from the perspective of my bank account. And of course a couple of years down the road I can be on the lookout for another place again once I became eligible, age wise or partner wise hahah. For now, hoping all goes well in the new place. ************ Work wise, I think I am in a much better place as compared to this time last year. No more random panic attacks and self doubt of my capabilities, and I think my vision cleared up. It does help that I have a lot more to do than this time last year, helped by the fact that a colleague resigned and I had to cover. But the extra exposures I was promised never came, either due to the same reason or D’s lack of faith in my ability (wait, what happened to no self doubt lol). Well, their loss. But either way, I know the path I want to take. It’s the understanding and acceptance that it’s ok to prefer to stay in comfort zone and not strike out. That if you are not going to learn further than there’s not much point. Just that it’s my nature that sometimes I can’t help pondering if it’s gonna be the right one, considering the climate. Will I be able to tune out the unfavorable parts of the job and focus on the good ones, making sure it outweighs the other? We’ll see in 2022! ************ So travel is mostly still ground to a halt, at least in Asian countries - western world is just happily going around. Honestly if you ask me if we are going to live with virus in an endemic stage, all travel should resume without any tedious restrictions - because the idea is that this is nothing more than a flu which nobody gave a hoot. But lo and behold we are still stuck where we are, going through cycles of loosening and tightening restrictions. Went for a couple of staycations which were similarly disrupted zzz. It’s the stress of having to change plans and adapt on the fly that is deterring me from flying when some restrictions are loosened. Not to mention the idea of your stay overseas getting extended unexpectedly because you are not allowed to board the flight home if you happen to test positive. Ironically, not so much about actually catching the virus itself because I’m vaccinated and I got my health in order. That said, extremely relieved to be able to travel home at the beginning of the year. Was in a mess mentally at that point, and that’s all I wanted to do. I got what I needed, and that long break did wonders in terms of resetting myself. I was eyeing another attempt at Switzerland/Austria as a in-between-job trip again for 2022, but like I said I don’t have high hopes for it - instead it’s looking like another long trip at home during that period. Unfortunately there’s a high chance that I won’t get to be at home during CNY because work commitments meant I couldn’t afford more than a week off and situation is just too volatile now. But oddly I am at peace with that. I am not too upset about it (this would have triggered a full scale meltdown last year) and I am not even sure why - but I am not going to question it. Or maybe family/friends can visit me if situation permits, now that there’s room hehe. ************ About health - no major scares. Fitness level have stalled and I think I basically stopped pushing hard post-CNY. Partly because the feedback I got when I went home was that I was too skinny lol. I was like "there's no such thing as too skinny" but sometimes I do get that sense when I looked at photos of myself. So let go a bit, and it's about maintaining the range of weight I want to be at and switching focus to building up my frame instead. But I guess there's not much progress on that front either because most of the time I dont really know whether I was doing things correctly and if my form was right etc. And I still can't do a pull up properly sigh. Let's see if we can improve on that next year. Skin on the other hand...also nothing much to report on? Stopped phototherapy last year, stopped oral medication altogether this year which was meant to be temporary initially in preparation of vaccination but doctor did tell me I can stop if I dont see any major issues so I just decided not to continue with it after vaccination. And there wasnt major flare ups so I guess I am off meds as well. Even though the discolorations are still attracting unwanted stares so tried to ask doc for something, but it didnt really work out well sigh. So still gotta live with it for a bit and try to find a solution for it. ************ WFH is not helping with social life, though I think I am starting to revert back to my anti-social self and dread returning to office. Maybe that was just a phase last year hahah. But now that there's home...where's family? ************ If I were to be honest this year does seem to fly past. First quarter was about before/during/after going home, second quarter was about house hunting and going through with the buying process, third quarter went by without much happening, final quarter really just sped past with all the house stuff going on. Not that I am complaining though. 2022...is going to see changes again. Fingers crossed it's for the better. Labels: milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2020
posted : Thursday, December 31, 2020
Latest in the wrapping up series! Well, 2020. Sure went EXACTLY as what everybody is expecting it to. Much as I didnt want to...everything that happened this year revolved around this, save for the first couple of weeks of the year I think. And it's such a global thing that there is no escaping from it no matter where you are - one way or another, someone's life this year would have been affected by it. So the typical sections of my annual review - each of them inevitably featured COVID's impact, either as the main or supporting character. ************ Maybe let's start with the big one. To be honest, I have to be very grateful here - certainly there is a segment of the population whose livelihood have been majorly affected, and others to varying degrees, but mine is more towards a lower scale. For one, have stayed healthy - as with the other 99% of the population - because we got things under control to start, then when all hell breaks loose - the CB did its job to allow us to regrasp control which we have hung on to it for a while. Sure, there's the initial messaging that masks are not required (because we chose to believe in CDC - what do we know, wow) and the occasional odd and inconsistent application of policy but overall the numbers speak for itself. And may we never lose control of it again. People lose jobs, sectors of the economy shuttered completely (think travel industry), many stopped working during CB and never got their jobs back...none of it happened to me. Iron rice bowl indeed - the performance bonus in March still came against all odds (even though that turned out to be the last one we received this year and the rest got cancelled), no salary cuts etc. We are even able to move swiftly to a WFH mode and work as usual. Of course a lot of improvisation is required but everybody just have to make it work - because we realised soon enough that we arent returning to office anytime soon. So it ran so smoothly that I think it is now something that will stay in the long term. It certainly changed people's perception and changes a lot of things in future - office spaces reimagined, heck, office use itself reimagined. In some ways it forces people out of their comfort zone and showed them alternative arrangements can work - they just needed to adapt. For me, WFH was a novelty to begin with - I remember the excitement in spite of everything else that is going on around me when we were told to start split team arrangement and take turns to work at home. That first week was fun, then it morphed into a full WFH mode and CB started. Waking up 5 minutes before work starts, and being at home the minute we knock off. The weekly grocery trips which comes with bubble tea (until bubble tea shops are ordered to close sigh). The frequent Grabfood orders which became less frequent coz it's not cheap urgh. Experimenting with various recipes and eventually got bored of it and now I am just repeating recipes which I am familiar with (and worked). Getting bored of WFH and actually craving for social interaction to the extent that I am the one organizing catch up sessions imagine that. So I definitely think that our future working mode should be a hybrid and highly flexible one. Maybe a couple of days in office per week, and other days at home. Would be useful to attend to home issues e.g. I can easily get the air con guy to come in on a weekday now. Schedule deliveries etc. ************ Speaking about forcing people out of comfort zone...when I think back about 2020, undoubtedly the other big thing that happen is my transfer. Making changes at work is something that popped up in my mind every once in a while, but it finally happened this year. Not that I actively sought it out (had that been the case, it probably wont happen because of my usual fear for change) but nevertheless, I was happy to welcome it. 8 years in my past job, I was feeling kind of jaded towards the end and fed up at several things that I felt a sore need to shake things up. In fact towards the end the vibe was very much "bye I am outta here and never coming back". I think I kinda send out my farewell email in that tone lol. But dont get me wrong - I am proud of the work I have done, especially for RAG. It got on my nerves sometimes, there are a couple of times when I was very upset about it and ranted, but I am mostly thankful for the opportunity. And I do look back fondly on those days in the second half of the year. There's always a basis for comparison now - be it the work, or the leadership. I have preferences in different aspects. I like the very much shallower structure, but I miss the camaraderie. I miss being in control and being able to send out an assessment on my own - either because I am now unsure, and at any rate that is my boss' style anyway. WFH meant it's almost impossible to gel with your new colleagues, though I am half glad that majority of my new teammates are not unfamiliar faces even if we only knew each other professionally in the past. It's a lot harder to also pick up subtle nuances such as your boss' preference (really, the email can sound agressive but she probably dont mean it), or when she is free for discussions etc. At the end of the day, I think the work is meaningful, I am able to apply my past experience in some aspects of it, but for some strange reason the workload sharply declined towards the final quarter of the year that I don't learn as much, and so I never really felt that I have settled down fully because you really only learn from cases. At some point I got all depressed about not contributing much and wishing that I was back in former division (which, btw, was VERY happening) - to the point that I contemplated throwing letter without a follow up plan - but eventually came around it. Which was good news because my December was....let's just say, I am glad to be WFH during this December because I wont get judged for my lack of activity. So happened that I had a chat with my D just this morning - and at the very least I know what to expect now. This conversation really should have happened before I joined if I had my way, but oh well better late than never. I now know that there really was a plan in place for me to be exposed to different aspects that will be helpful to me when I move on (which I clarified that it may or may not happen), so I find that generosity very heartening. Unlike COVID - I think my workload will spike magically at the turn of the year. And I think I am mostly looking forward to it. ************ So with travel restrictions left right centre - no travels for most of this year. I think coming in to the year I was actually envisioning this year to be one where I put in a couple more travel plans than usual...and in the end there's nothing. Not even home sigh. Which played a part in why I got all depressed some time in Aug and Sep, traditionally my half-yearly break at home. Obviously not my planned break before transfer either - which was a shame. I mean I dont think it made much of a difference in the end, but it's still a bummer. On a positive note, did manage to squeeze in two trips at the beginning of the year - though barely made it for both. The first one, the usual BKK+home CNY trip, very nearly didnt happen too as cases are starting to trickle in and we already had to make more declarations than usual - to HR, for instance. The second trip, to KL for San's wedding - was nothing short of miraculous. I had jokingly declared that I would make the trip even if I had to resort to 偷渡, but there are already clusters of cases by then although they can still all be traced, and one week after we returned from the wedding the mega tabligh cluster in KL broke out (which spreaded to Bru too). And we all know what happened after that. So I was very thankful for that bright spot in an otherwise downright dreadful year when it comes to travel. And you know what else there is to be thankful for, as the year came to a close? Barring a disastrous pre-flight test, I am all but clear to be home for the next CNY :))) Praying very hard that situation remains stable in both countries. ************ This would probably rank higher in my review had it be a normal year, but 15 years after first stepping foot on this island, I am now a citizen. On the surface I dont see major differences - it doesnt change my roots, my character, but I guess it's nice to called a citizen in the country you reside in for once. COVID played a part too, but as it turns out I didnt have to wait too long for the citizenship ceremony where you receive your new IC from the MP, maybe because it was Sept by the time I took my oath and officially became one of SG. It opens the door to a few things - property ownership (without an extra 5% of stamp duty), for one. Though some procrastination later and I now no longer have time to do so before my latest tenancy expires (in part because I planned to be away for a month soon). But that shall be a project for 2021. ************ Health and fitness! Kept up my routine from last year and I think I am where I wanted to be, so eased up by May and it's all about maintaining it now. And building up shape which isnt progressing very well actually. I dont see much difference even after months of effort though admittedly, I dont quite know what I was doing. Fiddled around with the idea of having a PT but I dont think if I really needed it, like, is that really what I wanted? It's just nice to have. And more like "if they can, why not me?" Still, its amusing sometimes to bump into someone I havent seen in a while (there's plenty of them, at this rate) and observe the varying reaction. Another milestone is that I stopped going for phototherapy. Doctor agreed with my self-assessment (really I dont know why I am paying him so much for consultation when I am the one assessing) that my condition has stabilised and I can cut back on my medication (now just one pill per fortnight) and stop phototherapy altogether. The bad news is that there's a bit of localised flare ups, the good news is that it is very much controllable so I suppose we can stick to this routine, which is what I will propose to doc for the next review. ************ Well COVID isnt going away magically at the turn of the year, so I suppose next year will be largely similar in that we are just going to have to keep finding ways to adapt, to get used to the so called new normal, and not lose hope - vaccinations are starting even if more convincing will be needed, and so COVID will go away eventually and life will return to normal as we know it. It must. Labels: COVID, milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2019
posted : Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Annual post.
Been a while since I last felt anything other than “meh” at the end of a year, so I am happy to report that 2019 has been a good year! Mostly due to efforts in the second half of the year so gotta give myself a pat in my back. ******************* Of course the big milestone this year was turning 30. It’s a year which I have previously envisioned myself completing a few other life milestones, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Doesn’t make me a failure, and everybody have their own pace I feel. Learning to accept it (or being forced to, not like I have much choice), feeling comfortable about it. And figuring it all out over a solo trip is such a me thing honestly. ******************* Gonna sound like a broken recorder at this point because I think this is the third time I am talking about this in recent posts, but weight loss is my biggest achievement this year hehe. It’s really within November and December when people started noticing it and asking me about it. Somehow I don’t think that’s the period when I made most progress actually but I guess the effects were more pronounced at that stage? My clothes and pants has gotten too baggy and I hadn’t done much shopping since I usually do it in BKK during CNY (fingers crossed that the trip is still happening). So when I did wear new clothes out which are more fitting, I guess that’s when people noticed. Colleagues, close ones and the not-so-close ones, acquaintances like my phototherapy clinic cashier (lol) asked me. Most comical was a colleague who called me her inspiration (her weight gain was from pregnancy though) hahaha I don’t know about that. So I have gone past my initial target and have set new ones. To be honest I think my methods aren’t the healthiest, so I suppose once I hit my new target I can switch to healthier, more balanced methods like diet changes. Urgh I don’t know how I feel about that but guess we can try. Exercise regime is still going strong though, mostly motivated by the fear of regaining what I have lost. ******************* Checked and it’s been a few years since I last mentioned about psoriasis in my yearly round ups. I guess that’s because there really hasn’t been any updates about it, no major flare ups and it didn’t get significantly better either. Until this year, at least. Again, it’s a positive development because I put in some effort for it and it worked like a charm. Talked enough about it previously and glad that it has stayed in remission since then even with reduced medication dosages, cream application frequency and all. I have learned enough about it to stay vigilant and not get too complacent, but there are good reasons to feel optimistic about it. ******************* So, work. Surprisingly this wasn’t the first thing I talked about! Shifts in priorities maybe? But anyway, this year work has been dominated by RAG project. Still not moving as quickly as I would have liked, but at least it is moving. Felt the stress earlier this year but plenty of other reasons to take my mind off it as the year went by. As for my daily work, it has been almost 5 years since I took up this role so have more than settled into it so there isn’t much to say about it. Next year will be big. First big change since I started working more than 7 years ago. A bit apprehensive really. But come what may. ******************* Looking back and realized that the past few years I have been saying that I don’t travel enough. I still don’t think I do hahah. But I guess there’s really so much I can do with the amount of leave I have. But at least I managed to have something to look forward to every couple of months, and kept myself sane amidst work stress. Malaysia turned out to be my most traveled place this year. 2 KK trips, 1 KL trip, 1 Malacca trip. Bangkok as usual. 2 trips back home. 1 Bali trip. And of course the aforementioned birthday solo trip. Okay I think this year was lacking of long trips, but made up with more short ones. Planning a big one next year before the rotation, kind of feel the need to reset mentally before the jump. Solo, unless anybody want to join in. ******************* Couple of updates from last year’s entry: 1. Applied for citizenship. Why now, this year, is mostly motivated by the fact that I will save 5% when purchasing property. Otherwise, it’s really something that has been on my mind for a few years. As of now, it has been 7 months + since I submitted so I can expect the outcome I guess within the next few months? They took really long when I applied PR few years back so I guess they are gonna take their time this time round too (though, really, what’s so difficult? My case should be a no brainer). 2. Signed two more years of tenancy at my current place. In the end the inertia to pack up and move again was too great and I am quite comfortable here anyway. ******************* So that’s 2019! We’ll see if 2020 tops this. Labels: milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2018!
posted : Monday, December 31, 2018
Another year gone!
Writing in advance coz for the first time in forever I'll be spending both Christmas and New Year abroad so I won' t have time to write. 2018...also known as the year before the big 3-0. Thinking that I should have grand plans to, you know, hopefully achieve several life goals before turning 30. At least that was the plan, though in the end, as usual, got too comfortable and didn't even try really hard. Oh well. ********** Contrary to the past couple of years - it was a happening work year. There was the re-org that shook up the entire division and I have a new manager and SM to report to - a bit of adapting needed. October and November are mostly taken up by Lornie. Then of course there's the project I was working on which was progressing painfully slow. Complained enough in the previous post so not gonna repeat it here, but here's hoping that the upcoming vacation will hopefully reset my mind and I come back putting more heart and soul into it. That is, if I get to stay. Next year will be an interesting work year, regardless. Either I will be settling into something new or spending the whole year preparing to settle into something new the following year. *********** I admit that I have not been a good son this year. Didn't call home much, getting into arguments for no reasons that seem plausible at first but as I reflect, I could have done/said things differently. I don't know if work stress played a role in me taking it out on people whom I know would always stand by me...but it definitely is not right. So yep...need to right the ship. Made one extra trip home outside the usual CNY/August trips for Dad's birthday - if I am turning 30 next year, my old man is turning 70 - so cherish, cherish. *********** On a somewhat related note, probably next year is a good year to consider citizenship seriously. The occasional fleeting thought that crosses my mind when it comes to this is on how it will affect longer term plans - will it present challenges when it comes to taking care of my parents in future, or if they need to authorize me for anything? I honestly don't think so, but as a result I have been hesitating and putting off application plans. One thing for sure - I don't feel anything for the country I am holding citizenship of now, regardless of whoever reigning over it now. I spent all 29.5 years of my life living outside the country. I don't feel much about extended family and I think it's mutual - just being realistic here. So totally ready for a switch if I can get into the right frame of mind. *********** If anything, it is just a nice place to travel to and spend. Dropped by for a couple of trips this year including my first solo trip in a while, which was incredibly relaxing. Apart from that, surprise surprise. I didn't travel at all (Bangkok didn't count). That explains why this blog is pretty dead this year hahaha coz I realize for the past few years (since Taiwan 2012, really) that it only becomes active when I post about trips. I am not quite sure why the lack of travel either. I have been championing for short trips but nobody seem quite interested so...meh. I did have my sights on a year-end trip particularly since travel restrictions have been lifted (due to re-org lol) and it's happening so pretty much looking forward it! Andddd....*drum rolls* it's a sibling trip. Hopefully we don't come back to a 10 year cold war or something. *********** I remember now that I wanted to write about SCSM 2018, but kind of forgot about it coz have been busy with Christmas shopping and some last minute trip planning but guess I will write about it here. SCSM was meant as a way to motivate myself to be a bit more active because, well, body is not getting younger. Signed up in May so I had like half a year to prepare for it, went for 10k coz Chris said it's just $10 more and I was like, screw this, let's see how far I can push myself. Ended up only heading to condo gym two months before, once a week, and only seriously started training a bit more like 2 or 3 weeks before. The end result? I exceeded my expectations. Didn't run throughout of course, struggled through the middle stages but surprisingly the last 2-3km was better than I thought. So I really wanted to keep going after the race, as in hit the gym once/twice a week but I think I overexerted my knees and hips during the run (probably coz I have been training on treadmills and road running is a lot less forgiving) so I couldn't even walk properly for a week, much less train. So I guess I can only restart next year, and hopefully keep going. Eating healthy isn't happening overnight but cutting off certain diets will be helpful I guess. Self-imposed a one year ban on bubble tea (my colleagues pointed out that it wasnt the most helpful since I was still drinking other stuff which are probably sweeter but oh well, baby steps) and I didn't exactly miss it so yep. Gonna try this approach on other stuff now. *********** Housing wise, lease is coming to an end next year. In all likelihood, I will probably extend it but also be prepared to move out if owner tries to increase rental. Tinkering with the thought of getting my first property...but funds still an issue given my firm belief of doing this independently without help. Unless it's buying together with someone else, of course, but that probably won't happen next year. *********** Gave online dating a try, half-heartedly. Given how I suck at making small talk and conversing with people, especially knowing that there is a motive behind it (can't shake off the feeling), it obviously didnt turn out too well. Not that I tried very hard to begin with also so yep. People around me, you are welcomed to introduce people to me (lol I think this is the most open I have been in this blog - desperate times?). *********** 2019. Here goes nothing. Labels: milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2017!
posted : Sunday, December 31, 2017
Latest in the "Wrapping Up" series. Got a feeling this would be a short one oops.
Another year has passed! This is another one of those low key years when the objective is...just to get it over and done with. Did set some targets (New Year resolutions ahem) but nothing really materialized sigh. ****** Oh wait I did achieve one thing - moved out. Though even that I don't know if I would be able to achieve if I wasn't being forced to. Staying alone is great and all - I loved the freedom and at times the solitude - but it does gives me more excuses to stay at home (watching TV, cook, clean house etc, and partly also coz it's not that near anywhere) and made me even more anti-social than I was. Which isn't necessarily a good thing considering my single status. Deeply ingrained character which isn't something that can change just because it's a new year but I guess I'll try. But the whole episode of being forced to move out also made me realize how vulnerable being a tenant can be. 4 years of staying in the same place plus the thinking that my ex-landlady needs this as an income source AND the fact that I have been such a good tenant (her words, not mine) had me lulled into this false sense of security. That I am the one choosing when to shift out of the place. But I have came to realize that the tenant would never be the one that call the shots - including the two year tenancy at my current place. I can never guarantee that this landlady suddenly decides that she doesn't want to rent out the place and prefer to say, sell it to someone else. So perhaps it's better to start looking at the option of owning a place. Then again, this ties back to plans for longer future which I am really not ready to seriously consider. And the whole issue of stubbornly insisting to only do this when I have the means to do so, without assistance from say, parents. That may take a few more years. Can only continue saving up then. Go with the flow. ****** Work wise, personally I thought it has been a pretty flat year. Job scope has not changed, team has not changed, I didn't get much new projects which I kind of have mixed feelings about. Hate to be stuck with the old ones which has been really draggy because nobody dares to make big decisions about it. And so I suppose I have been perceived as slow to move and I don't get entrusted with much. Coupled with the fact that I did get promoted this year (which is a highlight) but it's hard to see much progress so I am coming to terms with that. So where do we go from here? Stay within in the safe haven, or if chances arise, take up a change? Rhetorical question, really, because if the change happen within the division (which talks have been happening for a while but seemed rumours seemed particularly fierce the past couple of months)... I don't have a say. Alternatively I can always initiate change on my own, which, is still an unsettling thought. Oh well. Need something new in my life. ****** I haven't traveled much this year. There's the annual CNY trip. There's the annual August/Sept trip home. The only other trip I made is Japan with the gang. Chances like this don't happen often, and it's only going to get rarer in future when family gets involved - though San is really the only one among us that is actually attached now haha. The fact that we haven't even named a place to visit for 2019 (I don't know why it must be a biennial thing actually) kind of emphasizes this, which is why I cherished this trip more than usual. It's the company that matters most but in this case, the country left a deep impression as well and it's definitely somewhere I would like to return to, preferably during Sakura season or during winter. Winter travels are always kind of hard because essentially December is off because that's the period my manager usually goes on leave which means we have to be around in office. November is too...early? And January/February is too close to CNY so yep. Europe is also still on my list but with all that has been going on around the world...maybe not the safest idea. Let's see. ****** Outside work, there's very little that's happening. There's really just a few groups of friends which I am continually in touch with and meet up with. These don't happen very often, but it's enough for me. Definitely not one of those who have their weekend/weeknight schedules fully booked couple of months ahead. It's about learning to appreciate those who are left, and just know that when you need me, I'll be around. ****** Side note, it's taking me very long to churn out this post, not just because 2017 haven't been very eventful, but a definite sign that I have kind of lost touch with writing, which is something I enjoyed. Need to be back here more often. ****** So what will 2018 be about? Treating the body well because it's not getting any younger. Not to mention that health scare I had in April - turns out to be a case of kidney stones but I will never forget that morning of nearly doubling over with intense pain. And finally getting into a better shape. Giving life goals the front seat and unlocking more life achievements because I'm not getting any younger. ****** So long, 2017. Labels: milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2016!
posted : Saturday, December 31, 2016
Getting customary, these posts.
So, 2016. Surprisingly, underwhelming. There are few high points here and there, but overall, pretty flat. Not much progress in any front. **** Why, I shall start with work. Because that's my focus now until something else takes over. Into my second year as a DYM, have sort of gotten used to it. Much more comfortable in managing people. So comfortable that, sigh, much as I hate to admit it, I have started scolding people more often. Be it my counterparts, or my team (who even started using codes among each other to convey info about my mood - to which I told them, I really 针对事 and not 针对人. You won't get it you did nothing wrong even though I just scolded another person). And ventured further into politics which I absolutely loathe, but had no choice. One thing that never stops is the learning process. You realise how important it is to defend our rights. How many other people just aim to cover themselves instead of putting public interest upfront. That's a major no-no for our line of work, but these people get away with it. How helpless we seem sometimes, because we are left to pick up the pieces and produce miracles, while they enjoy life and credit. And how it is understandable that some of my colleagues feel jaded after all these years. A personal goal of mine last year was to be an exemplary leader to my team. I certainly hoped I have earned their respect. Very thankful for the stability this year, I see some of them making progress and I learnt to understand their way of working and thinking and I try to customize the way I deal with them based on it. Which can be tiring and may seem inconsistent/biased, but it's my way of ensuring the team continue to run effectively. I still miss being an engineer though. I jumped at opportunities to do site checks (though I still hate waking up early for monitoring). I like attending meetings, those useful kind where inputs are needed and there can be fruitful discussion with people who actually understand ground situation (i.e not policy makers). But alas, my role is now more of a guiding one, solving problems for my engineers, fronting when they run into trouble with demanding members of public, etc. And the aforementioned portion on defending our turf. So this position isn't going to change anytime soon (or at least I don't expect it to, nor am I planning to initiate a more radical change). And thus, aim for the coming year is just to improve further. I really don't aim to intimidate my team, so maybe I will tone down a notch. Redirect all firepower externally muahaha. **** Family! This year went home three times, like last year. Including an unplanned, impromptu one because I really missed home during that period and I felt a need to mend bridges. Worked well. One of the more memorable things I have done this year, and seeing that dumbfounded reaction from my mum was priceless. Caught up with the besties whenever I could too. Japan is coming up in just two months and really looking forward to it. Though there is still no decision on long term plans. Have been kind of putting off thinking about it and adopting a see how attitude. Can't help feeling that I will be stuck here for a while. **** Traveling is literally the only other excitement in life I have. Two long trips last year, this year cut down to one long trip though it's a really enjoyable one, plus a few short trips (mostly to Malaysian cities). Long trip was unplanned and happened to be my first ever work trip. Originally was supposed to go to KL for a conference but turns out boss got the requirement wrong and they don't actually need anybody from our division to be there so false alarm. Not that I am complaining because it turns out to be a blessing in disguise - the next opportunity was a trip to a trade fair in EUROPE. So that was a big jump from KL hahaha. And the dates clashed squarely with the period which I was supposed to cover my colleague when she went for her own long holiday. But it's too big an opportunity to be missed so off I went. The work portion of the trip wasn't eventful actually and I literally couldn't wait to get it over and done with (which I eventually did with a presentation to RTC). It's the personal trip extension that was truly memorable. Never traveled so far from home, and alone. And it was so last minute that a lot of things were unplanned. But I enjoyed every minute of it (full details can refer to my trip posts and reflections). Very grateful for the opportunity. Ipoh, Penang, Melaka, KL, all have their own highlights and happy to check these places off my list. Given that I started the year with no plans...certainly an eventful year in terms of visiting new places. Next year - not sure if I will get another shot at solo trips. Haven't planned anything other than Japan. Probably don't mind group trips. **** Housing, literally spent the entire year scouring propertyguru and while I did find some good ones...finding it difficult to take that step. One thing for sure, financial troubles seemed to have subsided (because no more loans/requests for early payments, at least not from me) though there are these few internet outages which I really am not sure of the reasons behind it (it is pointing towards inability to pay bills on time so yea). Which means urgency isn't really there. What remains is just a desire to be even more independent. My new financial agent cum old friend Amilyn (oh yea, so I did make another small step in terms of financial planning) convinced me I am financially capable of doing so (though she thinks it's not really necessary unless something funny happens). As recent as October I was still harboring thoughts of moving out by end of the year and guess where I am now. I suppose the only thing in the way is my usual procrastination attitude and tendency to overthink. So aim is to really make up my mind next year. Hopefully by...April? **** Of course can't have an update without mentioning skin. Sort of worsened this year, I like to think that skin is developing resistance against treatment methods even if I maintain therapy frequency, even got medicine upgrades. Stress level seems pretty similar. Next year, say I managed to move out, maybe I might try alternative treatment methods like revamping diet. Which needs a lot of willpower and I am not very confident in that department :/ **** Other milestones - made an attempt to learn a musical instrument! Never made it a resolution but at some point I definitely told myself I want to learn something before I turn 30 (oh god we are talking about that big 3-0 now). It was either guitar or drums and there's an opportunity for guitar so went for it. Needed a lot of practice which I am not doing currently despite buying a second hand guitar, so let's make that a resolution shall we. (Side note: moving out may very well contribute to this) Weight loss campaign went well right until after July when all hell breaks lose. Lost control and never regained it. Sigh. Restart next year ba. (Side note: moving out may also well contribute to this. Now I have more reasons) Also spent a good part of the year being obsessed on something which I am now pretty sure was all in my head and never real. Triggered a whole lot of emotions and probably I spent too much mental energy on it, even up to this point. Guess I got derailed from the bigger picture. Next year's aim? To get back on track. **** That's 2016! May 2017 be more exciting, and see more breakthroughs! Labels: milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2015!
posted : Thursday, December 31, 2015
2015...what a year.
I guess what I was thinking last year at this time was that..now that work has kind of stabilized, skins condition was showing signs of improvement...it's time to focus on something else. Like, socially.
How wrong I was.
Started the year with an awesome trip with the awesome gang. When I came back, got hit with the news, spent some time worrying and wondering before it became official in Feb. From that point onwards, everything became a blur until about July.
So yes. This was definitely a work dominated year. Because just when I got really comfortable, boss threw me a challenge (well, actually circumstances forced him to throw me one) and I got to start all over again. Learn new things and trying to get into a groove. All while juggling one other heavy responsibility and maintaining my previous role.
So when I said those few months passed by in a flash, I really wasn't kidding. Was just. SO. BUSY.
It wasn't even because I didn't manage my time well or something like that. I always said its like multiplying my normal workload by four times, while squeezing it into a four day workweek. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Stayed back till 10 twice a week on average. Social life? What social life?
Rest of the story you know...I updated about it not too long ago. But when I look back at this year, I was actually kind of proud of myself for achieving the impossible during those few months. Without too many cracks. And I like to think that I have sort of settled into a groove, need some tweaking here and there but more or less I am back at where I was last year. Which is settling down into a new role and hoping to dedicate more time to other, uh, causes.
This is also the first full year that I spent in SG alone without any close friends from home for company. I missed that special bond we have. Each friendship is unique in its own way and what we had is not something that can be recreated easily.
Family and home..this year managed to go home three times! Though total time spent at home is about the same as last year - a long one (by long I mean about 10 days) during CNY which was very nearly jeopardized by RTC schedule, a short one in August for CY's wedding plus because it's Golden jubilee long weekend, and another short one in Sept. As years go by can't help but start wondering if I would ever return and settle down for good. It may be my home country, but that is self-proclaimed and they never acknowledged it, and I doubt with the policy there it will ever happen. To be quite honest foreigners there just don't get the same kind of treatment as compared to foreigners in SG...and I am more inclined to say that with how things are going - it's all gonna go downhill sooner or later. A part of me wishes parents move back to their home - Malacca - which would make things easier but Brunei is just a better place for retirement I feel. Sigh...I guess I would know when the time comes for a decision to be made.
Travel - mentioned earlier I started the year with an awesome trip! Korea well exceeded my expectations (maybe coz I really didn't have much expectations to begin with) and I loved the cold weather. Loved the company even more. Picky tastebuds survived the trip heh. NZ meanwhile was just beautiful. And a whole lot of new experiences given that it's a road trip. No solo trip this year though. Couldn't fit it into my schedule. And duno where to go too. Maybe next year.....blocked out a period during leave planning but no concrete ideas.
An update on skin condition. Much as I want to take this segment away, it persists. Improvements as a result of treatment and medication has somewhat stalled. Signs of it worsening again first came during those few months of stress. Surprise surprise. Doc is pretty useless lor. To be honest consultations with him was never constructive. Gave up on him alr and usually just go there for the sake of getting my meds. Zzz. But overall it's still much better as compared to say, a couple of years ago. Staying positive.
So..resolutions time! Recap of last year's:
- Be more fit physically which to me means weight loss, regular exercise, healthy eating [Assessment: sub-pass. Regular exercise lasted till August. Weight loss efforts only started in earnest after that coz it hit an all time high :/]
- Expand social circle and maybe say goodbye to singlehood ;) [Assessment: Failed. See above]
- Have the courage to make changes if needed (in terms of work) [Assessment: Uh, passed. Even though it wasnt necessarily the change I had in mind and definitely not initiated by me]
- Do whatever necessary to ensure skin stays healthy [Assessment: sub-pass. To be honest I got sloppy with cream regime]
- Re-pick blogging habits. [Assessment: sub-pass. It didnt last too long]
And since none of them are really successful...shall repeat all of them this year. And in addition...
- Start proper financial planning. This is way overdue. - Consider making some changes to housing arrangements. - Be an exemplary leader to my team To a better 2016! Labels: milestones, thoughts, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2014!
posted : Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Ideally I would have done this post tomorrow, but I doubt I have the time to. Flying to KL tomorrow and spending the night at Val's, then it's off to Korea on New Year's Day! Exciting much :)
2014 was a pretty good year. I haven't been able to say I have a good year for a number of years now, because the one bad portion consistently outweighs whatever good times I have. But I think I can safely say this year the good times won the war!
And that's because psoriasis went into remission. I like to think that it had gone into remission, hadn't really tested it out yet. Started in April when after a few weeks of consistently waking up in the middle of the night to scratch..not to mention prickly sensations every time I go outdoors in the heat...I realized my condition has hit rock bottom and I am in desperate need of help. So off I go back to the National Skin Centre. And it dawned upon me how silly and stupid I was for not getting the necessary help earlier. Phototherapy twice a week, oral medication and ointments, and slowly the skin growth stopped. Got proper rest at night. No more random bleeding and blood stained clothing. Granted, there is still discoloration but unless I am much mistaken, even those seem to be receding. I started wearing shorts when I go out to the neighborhood.
It feels really good. Maybe I can finally start focusing on other things.
Therapy sessions are still ongoing but have reduced to once a week, and despite me getting sloppier on the ointment regime heh heh nothing seemed to flare up. Duno what will happen if I eventually stop but I shall leave that for next year.
By the way this was one of my resolutions I made last year and glad to be able to check the completed box.
Another resolution I had last year was to exercise more regularly. Didn't achieve that until about September when I finally managed to force myself out for Friday night runs, consistently every week. Struggled quite a bit to get myself going at first, but after a few weeks I think I got the hang of it and managed to go out for runs without much trouble. Little improvement in stamina but hopefully that will get better.
On a similar note, resolution to eat healthier didn't go too well oops.
Last resolution was work related. "To invest less emotions in work", I said. I am not exactly sure if I managed that. I still get emotionally affected when I handled rude/spoilt/demanding/self-centered public though I think it's much easier for me to let go now; I get more and more annoyed at how we were bullied as a division AND as an agency. Seriously if you want to treat us as Gods that approve everything and take responsibility of everything then you jolly well listen to us and respect us. Though it sure doesn't help that everybody knows they can take advantage of us judging by the way decisions are made. Right, guess that resolution didn't work out well either.
Looking back at work this year...promotion was the highlight though honestly speaking there's nothing to be proud of. It's like you know you earned it, but the way it was handed out did not recognize your efforts because even those who did nothing received it. Killed off the joy. Definitely comfortable with my daily work which also leads to more side projects which I don't particularly enjoy. And was not happy, disappointed even, of how I decided not to complete tasks I am given and left things hanging. Totally irresponsible.
Travels are quite minimal this year. Managed only one trip (home, Malacca and Bangkok doesn't count), a short one some more, though it was pretty enjoyable. Okay Korea was supposed to be this year but it's okay, not too far off. Was at home for only a couple of weeks this year too, though the August trip back home was the best I had in years because of my improved condition (which was usually the catalyst for arguments). No complaints there.
Social bar (think Sims) took a hit though. Moving out to stay alone (under others roof) meant more opportunities to be antisocial. I am not one who initiates gatherings, but I usually like to tag along. If I don't initiate gatherings, doesn't mean I am unfriendly ok? It's just....character. As for workplace relationships - 看开long time ago and it does not bother me anymore. The way to deal with fake people is to either ignore them or be fake towards them, the latter which I don't really practise.
So! Time for resolutions! This coming year, I hope to:
- Be more fit physically which to me means weight loss, regular exercise, healthy eating;
- Expand social circle and maybe say goodbye to singlehood ;)
- Have the courage to make changes if needed (in terms of work);
- Do whatever necessary to ensure skin stays healthy;
- Re-pick blogging habits. Didn't mention but I managed to keep a journal of positive moments this year, with an entry every day. Some are a bit forced and uh, can definitely be improved. This year perhaps I will look into week blogs?
Signing off 2014! Happy 2015!
Labels: milestones, updates, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2013
posted : Tuesday, December 31, 2013
So it would appear that I havent posted a single word since Sepember. In reality, there have been quite a number of completed posts just sitting around in the draft folder, coz i hadnt attached photos to them haha. All my Australian trip blog posts. I dont even use my computer to blog anymore, its kind of nice to have settle down nicely on my bed and type out posts on my iPad. I got so used to it that typing on my laptop (which is what i am doing now) seemed so time consuming now. So many typos! But somehow editing on the iPad (for both the app and web) sucks so I still have to come back to my computer to insert the photos and arrange nicely.
Was contemplating doing this at all coz 2013 has been so....one note. At least compared to 2012 which was filled with so many milestones. 2013 is mostly about work, really. Couple of high notes and couple of changes, dont think there are really low notes unless you count the worsening skin condition (which isnt exactly a new thing). Still single. Haha. High notes are definitely my holiday trips. Australia, which was both spontaneous and not, tops the highlights of the year. Wanted to go since some time back but almost let procrastination win over. Finally one fine day decided to just do it and there, wasnt too difficult haha. Thoroughly enjoyed that sense of freedom, can totally see myself doing it again but probably not for long holidays..halfway through it got a bit lonely but thankfully I was heading to Melbourne at that time to meet up with friends. Typically solo trips and backpacking, you would be making friends throughout but uh that's not exactly my specialty so yep. There's also Ho Chi Minh with CVE friends! I am usually very anal about planning for trips (Taipei 2012 ahem) and for this round I really was so bogged down with work and the big elephant in the room that is housing issues soI just took the back seat, while trying to not feel those pangs of guilt. It turned out really refreshing and I almost think that the trip was unexpectedly good and i totally wouldnt mind another trip with this group of friends! There's also the family CNY Bangkok trip, and squeezed out two trips back home. Grand total of 13 days at home this year which is the least ever (last year i only managed one trip home but at least that was one month long). Worst part is next year will probably see even less time at home, with even more work commitments, and a couple of months which i kind of blocked off coz boss will be away on maternity and i didnt think it's a good idea to leave 小花 in charge. :( As for trips, no solo trips planned. Prelim plans include a end of year Korea trip and possibly a summer trip to London with the sister. Never a fan of Korea but two appealing points: besties and snow. If all my previous trips taught me anything, company is just as important, if not more important than the sights. Though not too sure if trip with the sister will be disastrous or not hahaha. Or if I would rather stay go home instead of trip coz I have limited time at home. Oh wait. There's CNY which I will be going home! And that is in about 3 weeks time! *Mood lifts* Work - need i say more? It is still never ending. Not sure if you can call this progression coz I wasnt responsible for it but I am now the most senior engineer in my team. Wondering if that merits a promotion next year. I have more individual projects now. Not to mention that big one which I don't know if I should rejoice about. Having very conflicting feelings about it now coz I dont want to affect others and trigger reshuffling within my team because of what I see as personal gain. It does help that my area size isnt as big as some other people I will admit, so probably I can still take it? I hope my skin agrees with that. I don't know how my future in this job will be like, but for now I will go with the flow. Shifted house in July. Staying under other people's roof now and I hated that idea. I hated it so much. I am not sure if I hated it more than staying together with him. But I didnt have a choice. I would hate the idea of spending 1k a month more. At least this is the 2013 version of me saying it. I might change my mind if I am more financially capable. Mum is suggesting I buy property here, somehow that idea seemed very far-fetched and laughable at the moment. I am thinking I might go resettle back home in future but apparently my parents dont think so. I don't know, they probably know me way better than I do. Right now I just have to be content with renting. I never feel comfortable even though I know my landlady is very hospitable and nice. I still find myself roaming coming back after 8pm on purpose during workdays and aimlessly roaming outside on weekends. Call me biased. Now on to the upcoming year (gotta make this quick half an hour left). New Year wishes? Nah, they never come true. I have been wishing the same thing every year and every birthday and at every wishing gimmick. It never happens. Resolutions? I duno if I will ever find will to make it happen but here goes: - To eat healthy. That is a big deal for me and will take a lot of restrain. For a start, maybe just eliminate fried stuff from my diet. - To exercise more regularly. That takes a lot of will. Not sure if writing it down here will magically motivate me more. - To begin on a new treatment regimen. For a start, I will need to visit polyclinic for a referral letter, then make regular visits to NSC. Maybe get some help mentally. I feel that I am really alone when it comes to this. Friends, even the closest ones dont voluntarily ask me about this anymore, I dont know if it is because of my defensive attitude whenever I am on this topic. I remember the occasions when I got really upset with strangers who asked, or worse still, retreated as if I am some sort of contagious freak. It hurts real bad. I also know I am rejecting help from family, most of the times not in the kindest manner but mainly because I always feel that they never understand what is going on. And they got upset for all the wrong reasons coz they believe I gave up on myself. Probably to some extent that is true, so I will try to reverse that. - To invest less emotions at work. That will be tough. Will really need to learn that. Coz the more detached I am, the less likely I will get depressed over it. Right now I get worked up over brainless accusations on major company projects that I am not even remotely involved in. Though investing less emotions also probably mean less passion which may make work even more insufferable. But I will try. That's about it I guess. Happy 2014! Labels: milestones, thoughts, wrapping up |
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Wrapping up 2012
posted : Monday, December 31, 2012
Havent updated anything since my Grad Trip series..since end of year is approaching, well, good time to do it. :)
Post-commencement is dominated by work...quite a number of gatherings, meetups too but mostly work. Think it's probably a bit too late to do a full update here, but this is the era of technology after all, and i had all these documented in other forms - fb pics, tweets, foursquare check-ins (new) and instagram (new). But one of my resolutions is to post short updates frequently la next year. Probably whenever anything other than work happened lol.
2012 is one of the milestone years - finished formal education and started working. Started the year dead worried about things like FYP, struggled with it throughout the semester and managed to smoke my way through in the end. Don't really think prof cares too much though, unfortunately. And the fact that three months later when one of my colleagues asked me what my FYP project was about, I can't even remember the title (though i still roughly remember what it was about). Yep. That is how little passion I had for it.
Other than FYP there of course are other things - job hunting being one, and thankfully as compared to others' drama-filled encounters and long long hunts mine was actually rather straightforward. Having a target to begin with definitely helps? Coz this particular target had many job openings and I kind of landed a job in a the field I was targetting so all seems well. Found out and understood later that my dept is in severe need of manpower and hence I got in rather easily..more about work later.
Then there are the farewells - bid goodbye to hall life, which sort of was a significant part of my uni adventure, though there wasnt really a sense of belonging and the "omg i am gonna miss this place" realization at the end of it. Significant probably only because I spent quite a bit of time in it, stressed out sometimes because of it and so on. Ditto uni life, which I somehow didnt enjoy quite as much as JC life.
And house-hunting? It was mercifully short, though now looking back it probably wasnt the best idea. It now serves as a reminder that sometimes, I should have just trusted my gut feeling and firm up my mind.
Sandwiched between uni and work - my last long vacation (which wasnt that long anyway, only 2 months), where I had my most awesome and memorable trip yet (though, admittedly, I hadnt had many trips..). In the end, as I learned and relearned....it's the company that matters most and these ppl, seriously, are the best.
Then there's work. Which, um, I dun really know how to describe it because my feelings for it vary between extremes. Ok maybe not between extremes....between dislike and hey-this-is-actually-quite-interesting. I see my job as two different portions - one as a public servant (like literally) and one that actually lives up to its name, as an authority. First portion is the only one that really kills my mood especially in times when demanding and spoilt personalities get in touch with me. Actually, as I look back, I am not exactly surprised by their existence in Sg...I only blame myself because it somehow didnt occur to me that I had to deal with these "amazing" personalities. The second portion of the job is the one which I enjoy more and find myself really learning new things each time, and I want more of these. Quite unfortunate that the area which I am in-charge of will have a higher percentage of Portion 1 cases so yea.
The people I meet? Mostly okay and nice people. Get along rather ok with people from my team though sometimes I feel that work is causing all of us to be slightly antisocial...boss and her covering (she went on maternity leave) have been quite approachable. So is manager, the one who got quite concerned when he read my medical report. Still a bit nervous when I interact/present to the other higher bosses. Should get better I guess. Lunch group are the people I hang around with more often and recently started making efforts to spend more time with others - like the welfare peeps. Or the badminton peeps. Wonder but hope it will get better next year, probably more personalized christmas presents :P This year's was quite cool considering I am pretty new (at least I am happy with it) and my social skills sucked max. Oh and yea. Duno who let loose of the fact that I was a 'scholar' and I got made fun of pretty often :S Had been careful not to mention it but apparently my interviewers werent that careful about that bit :S Felt a tinge sometimes but always quick to let it go...
Oh yea, and I had a three-letter-one-syllable nickname too, which I learned to live with and respond to haha. Guess it wasnt too bad, though I still cant understand why a two syllable name is harder to remember than a three syllable name.
Outside of work...uhm, nothing much. Almost zero post-work activities, I mean, where do people even find the energy to? And staying late at work often doesnt really help this cause. But I do think I have started to accept that work can never end so it's okay to continue to live my life after working hours rather than making futile attempts to finish work "so that I can have an easier week next week".
With work also comes greater financial powers so yep. Hadnt got around looking for how to grow cash...so that's one thing to look into next year too!
That's about it I guess...other things, hmm, haha too many to mention. But just know that there are good times and lousy moments especially with, yea. Hahah maybe not a good idea to mention here. Anyway, thought I would start a journal (online or written), noting down things that are worth a smile everyday and hopefully there's something from everyday.
And my biggest wish for 2013? There's only one...had been my wish every year since 2010 and I will continue to wish for it. Don't think I can wish for anything else while it is still in my life. So yep....please go away thank you very much.
Oh yea, and the world didn't end. So everybody got to say this! Happy 2013!
Labels: milestones, updates, work, wrapping up |
