I mentioned a couple of posts ago, that I reached out to my new division soon after the confirmation email came. Ok, new D reached out first by sending a short welcome message, and I responded asking if I could meet with her, which she delegated down to DD. And DD basically said she will reach out to me the week after, when she has finalized area arrangements. On which I was mildly surprised because I had fully expected her to have at least given this some thought, since they had more than ample notice (throwback to the time when they thought I was coming in Jan instead of Jun). Couple of weeks went by, I reminded her and she came back telling me she need more time. 

At this point I was a bit frustrated because it’s bad enough to have plans affected by the whole COVID and WFH fiasco, and now even this bit wasn’t going according to my plan. In fact, if you have been keeping track, this whole back and forth went on for 3 weeks plus and by then I was already on the last Friday before my transfer so I gave up and told her that I will speak to her on my first day instead. Was annoyed because I envisioned this as part of my moving on process, to be able to speak to D/DD, find out their expectations of me, convey my views (e.g. how I wouldn’t have been comfortable if they were to ask me to helm a team or sth, how they think I can contribute etc), maybe some informal bits even. But clearly nobody was interested, I guess.

So Day 1 came, had a short chat with DD where she spent more time running through some of the major developments in the area than the admin portion of it all. A few welcome emails from my now colleagues whom I had worked with in the past. Then sat in a couple of meetings. And that’s about it. As days go past I progressively have a few more emails where I am looped in and expected to reply, but overall very low intensity thus far. Not that I mean to compare. 

I had also forgotten how it was to take charge of a new area. Completely unfamiliar with the geography and needless to say, traffic patterns. 

The working style is also completely different. I had been very used to calling the shots so it’s weird to need someone to clear replies. And the shock of discovering that even the simplest of replies to a working counterpart requires that clearance, even for more senior staff in my team. No wonder their replies to us have been slow in the past, because boss has to prioritize too. It is frustrating to wait for replies to be cleared before being sent out, while others are chasing. God. 

And perhaps most difficult of it all is the fact that I hated the unfamiliarity. I had been so used to knowing what to do with everything that came to me, and had forgotten how it feels to be clueless. I forgot how long it will take to be familiar with everything, and I miss those days already. I find myself wondering if I asked my predecessors too many questions or have I taken up too much of their time. The thing is, I saw this coming because just three months prior, I had a new staff joining my team who was in the exact same predicament, just that her case was worse because her previous role had nothing to do with roads at all and everything is alien to her, while at least I had worked closely with my current team in the past so I had a generic understanding of their work, just that I had to learn the details and processes. So I saw how she struggled and yet when it’s my turn, I find myself mentally unprepared for it. Perhaps I had overestimated myself, but perhaps I really should just remember that it’s still only the first week and it’s unrealistic to expect to pick up everything and fly with it.

So one week on, not feeling that I am contributing much when everybody else seemed swamped so I consoled myself with the thought to enjoy this honeymoon period as much as I can. Forgot that it even existed, guess I was too used to the intense environment I came from. Also nobody checking in on me most of the time to see how I am doing. Found a window of opportunity on the afternoon of polling day eve (because all my teammates were on duty which meant that rightfully nobody was bugging my DD with anything) so I went ahead and had a quick chat with her on the pretext of checking with her on some terms heh. I guess it did help in a way, so we’ll see how it goes. 

But for now I can say I am not looking forward to work much. Back to the days when I look forward to weekend before weekday even starts sigh. You don’t know how excited I was about Polling Day PH. And how excited I was about my Anniversary Leave, and Hari Raya Haji PH at the end of the month. And National Day too. And FML after that there’s no more public holidays for a while and no trip back home either.

Part of the negative thoughts this past week and a half also led to me thinking of going back after two years hahaha but I guess that is just me speaking now. 

Oh well. I can only steel myself and repeat the mantra that everything will get better with time, a reasonable time at that.