Realized that I bucked the trend last year and didn’t talk about this last year but here I am again. Because I suppose it’s significant this year...in that it’s my last one with this group.

Sidetrack a bit, posting still seems surreal even though I am down to the last two and a half months here, because just how little I have been told about what’s going to happen next, from official sources at least. So even as I formally inform my team I am going, in my mind I don’t sound at all convinced.

Anyway, my last talk with this group. Smallest group ever coz two left earlier this year which sort of caused a tsunami and I think now the aftershocks are coming in too -.- So of my team of 8 literally at the beginning of the year, 2 gone, 2 more entertaining thoughts, 1 likely moving up to take my spot. It’s a tsunami alright. It sucked because I kinda feel bad for leaving the team in this state and I want to do something to help but my powers are limited, and my time is limited. My boss went as far as telling me in my face that he will work with my M on issues regarding my successor and team issues in other words telling me that I will not have a say in it oh well.

Anyway I think most got improved scores so which made my chat a bit easier, although there’s an elephant in the room at the beginning of each session which I made clear only at the end of each session. And to my absolute non-surprise everybody knew about it beforehand and is just waiting for me to confirm it. Ha ha.

So that’s it. Winding down now and the handing over begins in earnest. To be honest I have felt this for a couple of months already - the thought of “who cares, I won’t have to deal with it again if it crops up” is so very tempting in decision making process, and I find myself having to push away that thought time and again. As for the RAG project I think I am leaving it in a good state to be honest. That’s one thing I feel good about leaving behind actually - everything is in motion and it can only be smoother from now on.

My own score is..usual. To be honest, a bit disappointed even if it’s a good score because this is the only time I felt that I deserve even better, a promotion even because this is literally THE high profile project that defined our work plan and I dare you to find another person who dealt with this project the way I did. But no - and it probably won’t happen next year either because I am new to the posting and will probably be the sacrificial lamb - trust me, I have played this game and seen how it works, unless the rules are different there. To add salt to the wound COVID probably meant that I get even less than usual FML.

COVID really messed up things - it’s not everyday that I am in between jobs and have the opportunity to take a break to reset before diving into a new challenge - but COVID meant that travels are not possible. Sigh. Went and cancelled my trip and I gotta tell you the feeling sucked. I probably won’t even get to go home in August.

Eventually I’ll get around it, you know, looking at the bigger picture on COVID’s devastation in every aspect worldwide but just give me some time to sulk about it.

So it’s a strange feeling actually. I am looking forward to giving up work here, the apprehensiveness is still there and COVID complicating things.

We will see if things are any different two months from now then.

Labels: thoughts, updates, work