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Life updates
posted : Wednesday, July 06, 2016
Been a while since I last post something other than travelogues (Europe posts are all done by the way, just sitting around waiting for photos to be attached then posted).
Half a year has gone by. Didn't feel like I have done much. In terms of trying to fulfill what I set out to do at the end of last year.
Work, once again, has stalled. I like to think that I have got into a groove, which also means that it doesn't excite me as much. In fact, probably getting a bit tired of helping others to problem-solve daily. Also the disappointment of voices (technical, logic and reason) not being heard over proposals that aim to showcase grandeur and convenience.
Then there's LTE. Think I got what I wanted, but I am probably disappointed that I had to fight for it and it wasn't an automatic consideration.
Some personal disappointments too that I probably won't mention at this platform. Actually I think that is the reason why this post sounded quite negative now.
Finding myself needing a lot of breaks now. One of the reasons why I escaped home, unannounced, a couple of weeks ago. Wasn't necessarily about airing my grievances but at least, there's the comfort at home. Thought I have thought things through, only to come back to a bigger setback.
Oh well. We'll see how it goes. Just let things evolve naturally, right?
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So last month was June and traditionally, it's my favorite month.
This year I chose to have a quiet birthday. Actually every year I kind of chose to have one hahaha. Just that this year is one that actually ended up really quiet. Feels lonesome even.
Decided earlier on to use birthday leave for my trip home so dutifully went to work on the day itself as opposed to my usual practice. Though I did take time off so that I can take my own sweet time to prepare for work, even went to grab a nice breakfast before heading to work.
I kind of didn't get to spend much time on my desk because I kept being dragged around for meetings and discussions. But colleagues did find time to celebrate for me.
Solo dinner after work and just sat by my emo spot by the river thinking about stuff. Which was actually kind of therapeutic.
And that's about it. Told you it was quiet. Even switched off FB's birthday notification just so I can tell who actually remembered. Not many. Not quite sure how I felt about it.
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Idea to go home came up last year but I can't remember why I didn't make the trip in the end. This year, realizing I also needed to clear one day of off-in-lieu, thought it was a good time to head home for a bit to catch up with family. Especially since I haven't talked to them much since coming back from Europe. (Background - there was a bit of argument before Europe because I insisted that mum overworry without good reason and hence won't leave me alone, so to speak.)
Deliberately picked Father's Day weekend too because, well, it's Father's Day. Thought it's good to have someone to accompany dad for a bit during that weekend. (Background - his only other child hasn't been on good speaking terms with him for a while - kind of what you get when child inherited the father's stubborn personality.)
And it's during Ramadan so there's Sungkai buffets to look forward to HAHAHAH.
Decided to make the trip a surprise. But I needed someone to open house door for me so needed a family member to be on the plan. Ok I needed someone to pick me up from the airport too but that part is easier.
Plan was to sneak in when parents are asleep (which they should be, considering I am scheduled to arrive late at night as usual). And they would find me the next morning curled up in my bed or something.
Didn't exactly go according to plan because 1) flight was delayed for an hour and 2) mum stayed up to watch Euro (?!) while waiting for my sister (who also had to improvise and made up an excuse of meeting friends for supper at 11pm) to come home.
But the reaction was quite comical la. Mum literally stared at me blankly for a few seconds before managing to get some words out. Which was something along the lines of "I haven't cleaned your room" because nobody stays in my room while I am away so it's a bit dusty and all.
Dad was asleep and when he did find me the next morning (he's usually the first to wake up in the house - for his morning walks) it was pretty hilarious too. Though being the naturally calm person he didn't freak out and proceeded with his routine until I woke up.
Long story cut short I spent a few days at home being pampered with home cooked food and catching up with the close friends. Without the usual obligations too.
The surprise was fun la but probably won't try it anymore because it won't be as fun anymore heh.
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Been thinking a lot about moving out since end of last year. Half a year has gone by and I am still here.
And getting increasingly annoyed all the time. Small things irritate me and I would admit, cloud whatever goodness my landlady has done for me such as laundry. I may have taken it for granted even.
I just don't think it's healthy anymore because of apparent financial troubles their family is facing. What scared me off last year was the fact that she had to borrow money from me to repay debts to loan sharks by her son (whom I have not seen much this year, come to think of it - not sure if he is even living here anymore). If it happened once, there's no guarantee it will not happen another time and I don't want to have to return home from work one day to see red paint splashed on the door or something.
On and off this year house internet connection would be cut off (such as today) - she claims she forgot to pay but I am suspecting she didn't have the cash to. I mean it has never happened until late last year. And a number of time she asked for rental from me a day earlier because she needed to pay something (didn't bother to ask what).
The only thing holding me back is the fear on making a decision of such enormity. Moving out on my own, rental would be doubled - not sure if I am prepared for that (though financial planner tells me I am). The idea of staying alone has always been very very appealing to me - I am introvert that way - and money was the only thing holding me back. So if I can handle that, theoretically I should just make up my mind and move on. But...the thought is scary.
May seem selfish to bail out at this point but....why is it my responsibility? It shouldn't be. I don't know.
So my current status is to actively look for a suitable place (not too many choices considering my budget) and once I managed to - time to man up and make that all important decision.
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Till the next update!
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