Obligatory because…I don’t really feel much about it? Definitely didn’t feel super sentimental about it, nor, as I shared in the previous post, any sort of regrets or excitement. Hence this post only came about a whole week after the end of posting (and actually maybe it’s also because I didn’t have time to write anything coz I was preparing to go home, or that I was still clearing work all the way till the eve of my final day). 

Not sure if the indifference this time round was because of the fact that I spent only two years there, and like 95% of the time was spent at home. Towards the end we did get to go office and interact for a bit like, once a week. Which I find that they are obviously a cheerful and fun lot to be around with, so I guess there was that tinge of regret there. But not enough to make me, you know, go all out to write thank you cards and all like what I did the last time round, and not enough for me to get farewell gifts or anything (though I did get one clumsily organized farewell lunch hahah). 

So reflections! I set upon this posting hoping that I gain some insights into their work, because we have been working closely with them and it’s not a completely different field for me. So wanted to understand why some decisions were made, maybe steal a trade secret or two along the way hahah. In the end I guess I didn’t find out too many new things other than some processes which is helpful in some ways. Found that they also winged some things which we thought they knew lol. 

The other half of it is that I hoped to bring my experience over to help them make smarter decisions upfront, because we always maintained that operational concerns needed to be taken care upfront during planning and design stages. But I was disappointed to find that they weren’t super open to that most of the time, and I didn’t try super hard to convince them as a result. So I didn’t think I contributed too much on that front in the end, even though D (perhaps just for show) said they learnt a lot from me. 

It maybe didn’t help that I didn’t feel very motivated at all for the most part of these two years. Maybe it was the whole Covid and WFH problem, and I suffered from panic attacks from time to time over the smallest issues, sitting on cases that I can easily clear. Not proud of it. There was a time when I felt motivated and hopeful when D told me about her grand plans for me, which eventually didn’t happen because of circumstances like colleague resigning and she also blamed it on WFH, though I don’t think I bought it wholeheartedly but I didn’t want to delve further. 

I also started out by declaring that I would love to start from bottom up, but the “up” part never happened - I didn’t know if they alr had their mind set to begin with, or at any rate I just didn’t impress enough to warrant one. It would have been helpful to break into the upper ranks just so I can have a clearer understanding of why decisions from the top were made, but alas. 

On a similar note, it represented a big change in that instead of giving instructions, I now have to take instructions and execute. Which was pretty massive in that I was so used to giving instructions, sending out assessments on my own, and now I have to do the complete opposite. It really killed me to have the simplest emails vetted to that kind of detail, so I ended up not keeping them in the loop for simpler cases because I felt that it’s something I can decide on my own rather than wait for clearance (which can take days). Tested this approach and didn’t get told off, so I went ahead with it. Least I can do to salvage some efficiency. 

I did try to highlight that this whole email vetting approach wasn’t entirely necessary during my exit chat with DD (which started at 5.50pm on my final day, typical of her to not be able to set aside time in advance for such admin matters), but she didn’t seem to think it’s an issue and in fact doubled down on the necessity oh well. D on the other hand even pointed it as something she thought I needed to improve on when I asked for feedback on my performance (double sigh). 

Oh well. It’s good to be exposed to a different style of work and management I guess, and going back to working level reminded me of the hardships and it can only help me to not repeat those when I go back to a middle management role. It’s one positive I took away from this stint. That, and the fact that these two years have largely been a holiday of sorts in terms of intensity, which I had to adjust back when I return. 

It’s weird that I sounded like I am looking forward to return though, considering everything that I’ll land myself in. The truth is I couldn’t wait for a change at the end of the two years (side note, someone did try to poach me but no thanks, I am not spending more time doing planning work as a working level planner, why would I?). I came to a conclusion that stepping out of comfort zone is not for everybody, and it’s perfectly ok to want to stay in it. That said, it is probably easier to say this while typing out this post on a vacation, so I may have to eat my words later but we shall see about that. 

In all, fruitful two years, despite everything. Grateful for the experience, despite everything.

For now - my in-between-jobs break which I didn’t get to enjoy the last time round. Can’t think of a better place to do that!