I think I started getting into this mood, actually, back in March, when colleague came back from maternity leave and she was the one designated to take over my duties after I am gone…and so I was told to start passing some work over. Kind of early, and actually at that point HR hadn’t even tabled my posting for approval? It almost felt like they can’t wait to get rid of me, or the positive thinking is that they knew they had no chance so they wanted to give a longer runway for transition. 

In hindsight, I think it’s because I told my boss back in Jan that my plan is still to return because that job scope is still what I prefer. So they respected that. It’s something that I don’t think I am regretting, but maybe there’s a psycho part of me that wanted them to fight each other for me hahaha.

Kidding. Like I said, no regrets (at least not yet, since I haven’t returned), and events of the past couple months only seek to reinforce that. Honestly it’s a bit of dejavu from two years ago because I similarly spent the last two months back then whining and finding fault with everything, that help convinced me it’s time for a change. The only difference is that if I were to pen an article this time round about what I will miss, it would probably not be very long, because I genuinely don’t think I would be very happy to stay. I do get a feeling that I didn’t make full use of my stay though, and wondered if I should have been more proactive to ask for the exposure that was promised to me and subsequently sat on and forgotten (or on purpose). But it is what it is. 

Returning to a familiar post, but at the same time it would be a very diff landscape and from early indications, seems like I might have 自我感觉良好 because unless it’s a typo/error on HR’s part, it wasn’t the post I was expecting. May not be the worse thing on earth in that I theoretically can slowly accustom myself to the hustle again, but knowing them they are probably shortchanging me by expecting me to do more (in the name of testing me) yet not giving me the recognition - we shall see after I have my talk with them. 

So right now I am counting down every day. Not to the day when I return, but to the day I take my well deserved break, i.e. my trip back home (hence the “home” stretch). This feeling itself is similar to Jan 2021 when I was counting the days to my CNY break. The random sleepless nights worrying irrationally about my break not happening and all. Oh well. But mostly it’s looking forward to it. 

25 days to go!