The urgency wasn’t there this year, for some reason. Compared to last year when I was hanging on to the idea literally like a lifeline (and I will mentally collapse if the trip didn’t happen). 

Don’t get me wrong, the plan was always to be home for CNY. The green lane announcement only made it easier. Then I landed a nomination for secretariat role for a meeting chaired by big boss…which meant a certain level of commitment. This was dejavu really, reminiscent of the last time I had to do this in 2015 which also clashed with my CNY plans, and ultimately I had to reschedule my flight. And the moment I hear of it I was like, ah, here we go again. 

Honestly speaking, this time round I can still skive off for a bit because the meeting is really infrequent (only once a month) the previous secretary would be able to cover, but I limit myself to a week off at most to minimize damage. But with travels restrictions being very volatile these days and I cannot afford to be stuck overseas for more than what I budgeted for, things got a little complicated. Ultimately Brunei also suspended the green lane arrangement because of omicron, and that was the nail in the coffin for me - because it now meant some days out of the planned week off spent in quarantine in Brunei and the whole trip just didn’t make sense anymore. 

So made the decision to not go home. But I was honestly very very surprised by how well I took this blow (yes, it’s a blow). I wasn’t super upset, and I hung on to the idea that I’ll be home for an extended period after this secretariat stint (which coincides with the end of my posting). I told myself - just another half a year to go before I’m home. And it didn’t take too much convincing. 

I don’t know how it’s like on the other side of things though. I have been preempting family for a while that this year may be tricky, so when I confirmed it there wasn’t much reaction, not that I know of anyway. 

It’s not that I don’t miss home this time round, or else I wouldn’t be sitting here typing all these, trying to understand why I don’t feel super upset. There’s still a tinge of longing when I see memories of last year popping up, which happens quite frequently by the way. Maybe having a new home played a part in it because I was pretty happy decorating it and planning festive food for CNY eve. I made plans to bake pineapple tarts, and I was quite looking forward to how it’ll turn out. So I don’t know. 

But I guess I’m not complaining either. I’m not whining about the secretariat role which was the reason I can’t just heck it and take three weeks off like last year, and I have a feeling that this months meeting might get cancelled which would have meant I stayed for nothing. 

But I mean, who wants to feel so negative during this period? So in the end, I’m at peace with all this and that’s all that matters, right? 

Until then, I’m really looking forward to that July trip and it better materialize.