Received this email out of the blue inviting me to attend a briefing, for a selected group of officers talent spotted for potential leadership roles in future. Which is kind of intriguing actually. If only I wasn’t feeling this shitty about the kind of work I have been producing of late. 

Checked with my supervisor if she knew about this (in case she had a hand in me being nominated or something) and she said she didn’t - but thought it was a good opportunity for me. Yeah I know. 

Duly went for the briefing, even had to skip the Walk the ground session for Lornie which I really wanted to gooo. Sigh. 

So long story short, as part of this program (I hated how elitist it sounded) I was to be rotated to other divisions, preferably something that is of a different nature from what I am doing now. Have a career conversation with my boss, and submit a plan by 31 Dec. And probably be gone by April next year (I actually didn’t catch that part, kinda shows how reluctant I am).

It was a lot to process and I didn’t really want to process it (because I am busy, yay). But the occasional thought drifted into my mind and I knew it was a good chance to be exposed to other fields, and I always wanted to. It’s the perfect chance, to legitimately move around without consequences (because who are we kidding, nobody really views self-initiated rotations in a positive way).  I don’t know about the timing though. On one hand, I kind of want to see through my project and on another hand, I have been complaining about work being stagnant for a while. 

Coupled with the fact that I am never a huge fan of changes and usually have to be forced to make one. So yea, maybe this is the push I needed after all. Only thing is, I wished it didn’t come with this tag, because it means wherever I decided to go, a lot would be expected from me. It was a lot easier not knowing this - for instance, I never knew a lot was expected from me when I started work as people essentially viewed me as a “scholar” (god I can’t believe it has been 10 years and we are still talking about this) so i just got on with my work, doing what I think is right and apparently it impresses people. But it will probably be a lot harder to shake off this thought from now on. 

I have never been one that strives to be in the limelight. I didn’t even think I was that good. I see all these ambitious people at the briefing, networking and what not, and all I was thinking of was how I wished I was walking the ground with the rest addressing real issues. 

I have been very silent about this though, so far. Didn’t want to tell my staff, as if it will affect morale or something. Ha. ha. So only my supervisor knows, boss secretary knows (coz she is scheduling discussions), and a couple of others who are on this. Really thankful that one of the veterans of this came to talk to me about it on her own accord though, it does give me a bit more insight as I was really in a denial state during the briefing and didn’t absorb much. 

Oh well. My conversation with boss is scheduled on Monday which is why I am even here writing this because I am hoping that as usual, writing will help me clear up jumbled thoughts in my mind as I prepare for it. Heck, I haven’t even filled up the damn form. 

We shall see.