I certainly didn’t see September turning out this way. I was coming back from my trip home, which I didn’t feel super rested because for some reason things dragged out and I found myself with something to do every day. Even if I did manage to squeeze out some time for myself to do a bit of trip planning that I owed…I didn’t do much. And there are still many backlogged posts. 

I was feeling a bit stressed though, over a planned hangout session the weekend after I came back, where two of my colleagues were very excited about because they were trying to intro me with someone new - a close friend of colleague A’s. I feel like there are some expectations going in and I didn’t like that feeling, so I was sort of going in on a wrong mindset already. Like I felt like they are enjoying this way more than I do, dropping me reminders about making a good impression and all. Then suddenly things went south, and more. 

First was a call up to attend to work on the exact Saturday we planned to meet - and it wasn’t an enjoyable one because it’s to staff Mdm on her site recce prior to a TV interview - and she was being her usual devil’s advocate self and making a mockery of effort that her own staff has put in for years, without filter. Honestly I don’t know which one was better because I initially felt a tinge of relief and the idea of a shorter hangout session, but yeah, madam. Anyway as a result I had to cancel the first part of the hangout (which was supposed to be bowling) and ask the ladies to come over to Holland V for dinner instead, which everybody accommodated of course. 

Then literally two hours later I was looking at the likelihood of canceling the whole thing altogether, and I actually spent the whole Friday afternoon and night (including an hour on a treadmill) pondering before concluding that yes, I’d make an emergency 24hour trip back home. 

The uncle had passed on, on Friday afternoon. It was just a little over a day since he was admitted into ICU on Thursday morning before he was gone - from what I understand, multiple organ failures after an infection. Honestly details are still sketchy, and I didn’t talk to my cousins much on this topic when I saw them except to be by their side.  

Growing up my uncle probably wasn’t my favourite relative - didn’t help that my mother always reminded me of that one time he insulted me and my short legs as a kid (actually very short meh?!). Our families weren’t close which is weird because my dad and he are the only two siblings that live in this country/town, and we go to the same school as my cousins. And my three cousins are the only ones that are of a similar age range as me and my sister, because the rest of my cousins are all significantly older than us and live in another country altogether. So our relationship with our cousins is friendly, but not as close as we should be. 

When the news came I was contemplating not going back at all. Ticket prices didn’t make much sense at first glance, even redemption tickets were scarce. It was only when more details trickled in (such as the funeral date) that things fell into place in terms of schedule (I needed to be at work on Monday morning), my sister offered her miles too so I took it up and booked the flight back. 

And I was glad I showed up for my cousins who were struggling to come to terms with the sudden loss. Admittedly his health wasn’t the greatest including a minor stroke two months back but nobody expected him to be gone that suddenly. And it was the first time I saw first hand how tough it can get for a minority race trying to go through their rites and rituals when it comes to this - the funeral was a very simple and short affair at the hospital morgue itself (if you had the space at home you could technically stage it at home but my cousins decided not to), and the cremation facility was so primitive that the burning process was in plain sight to all which was to a certain extent horrifying for me. 

So I was glad that I was there to make up the numbers at the funeral - my uncle was the youngest of my dad’s siblings so none of the older siblings can be there, not that any of the surviving ones (I say this because we actually lost an aunt and another uncle within the year) are fit enough to make the trip except my dad, though he obviously is not allowed to. Amongst the cousins two others made the trip from Malaysia, and there’s my sister and I. The least we can do to give him a proper send off. 

My dad did appear to be taking the news in stride - he managed to visit on Thursday after my uncle had been CPR-ed three times to bid his farewells - so I think he felt at peace with the fact. I think, because as usual we don’t talk much about feelings. But this loss has also got me thinking about him and the fact that he really is at an advanced age, more than usual too. 

My mum had taken to visiting my aunt every week so far since my uncle’s passing, which was again something very out of ordinary considering for the most part of our lives we are not in touch with each other. In fact I barely remember ever setting foot at my uncle’s place. And I do think I want to catch up regularly with my cousins from now on whenever I am back - and I am questioning myself why it took this loss for me to have this thought. 

So this sort of sets the mood for the rest of September unfortunately. I think at work I am my usual self at least, including at a couple of ranking sessions. Life went as per normal for the rest of the month in general - there was a trip to JB with ex-colleagues which was surprisingly enjoyable and not awkward, and oh the hangout session got rescheduled so it’s back to stressing about it I guess. 

But I felt like there’s this cloud hanging above me…which should probably pass. 

Final quarter will be hectic I think, with short, medium and long trips planned - and something going on every other weekend. What’s a good adjective starting with O?